Non Existing

You do not exist

For I have not created you yet...

If I would want

You could cure

So many have come close,

only to fail miserably

at the demands of my dementia...

With a multitude of thoughts

And a series of trails

One must recycle endlessly

You...

Red the red that fury blinds

Your presence seems to press my buttons

And my buttons be high

My presence seems to press your buttons

And your buttons be nigh

And so now are you suppose to be considered my ex

Since only for a bit we tangled and mangled our words

On a couch we cuddled and giggled about our success

Only to have it fade within days

Now we hold each other at length

Such a short bout it was and fast to conclude

So it was, what is was

A sparkle and flame, rose too high

And out of control, for both of us

Another story to keep and to use against

our "I told you so" mentality

But we did

"destroyed each other, and did not make history"...

random memory #814:

night started out dragging, each group car hopping and making plans that go no where. suddenly unexpected opportunity knocks gently on my window.
"hey, what you guys up to?"
"nothing, you?"
"probably head to _____'s house"
"cool"
" yeah, you wanna come along?"
"sure, we will follow..."

- such a trio of friends, matched with a trio of potentials, while the 6 of us consume jack and breezers
- picking straws and dibs, soon becomes obsolete, as our female counterparts have their own intentions
- the night and consumables soon fade and our matches make their presence
- each couple heads in their own direction
- in a dark light room, the touch of goose bumps collide
- sounds of heavy breathing and moans fill the hallways
- whilst only a certain version be present within my grasp, I shall conclude with that destination


eddie's black on the tape
in a grey mustang
sun coming up over the trees
windows rolled down to get the cool morning air in
3 buddies quietly contemplate
contemplate the events of the mornings endeavours


to a city that resides over the bridge...

Room Full of Dresses

Thrown into a room, to make us communicate

Your attempt to make small talk is executed with nervousness

And I calm your chills with a warm hand upon your thigh

As the power goes out and we sit in the dark

I feel your hand poke my face and lips

Trying to get a grasp of where I am

I pull your hand and body closer to mine

And just as we are about to connect the power comes on

Sending a jolt and sudden fright throughout your spine

Whether it was timed or not, it gave us a story to remember...

Ramble Take One

Looking around the crowd, all unfamiliar faces, enjoying the company of their counterparts.
Laughter and smiles, makes one enjoy its own solace.
And from out of the crowd, comes one with smiles and sparkles in her eyes.
Must wonder the mind frame this one has, to justify the possibility of an encounter.
How one views their own identity amuses many, and may also be considered a curse for consideration.

Hide behind some mask and pretend to ignore the possibility that truth is but a deception.

All memories from now on, will be considered bliss, for if your presence in them caused any distress according to new principles, shall be void and forgotten.

Liimited

Your references only conclude your actions
for which you are limited
Relate this to the most and all of your intentions

Restricted and subdued to eventually exhausted permutations of thought.
Now question every thought and motive you would have given as a consequence.

Such feeble illusional creatures of creation, I speak of those low on the self worth
Speak of fear as an excuse to explain your actions or non actions thereof...

Sacrifice and Sustain those wishes, take them to the grave and bury them alive.
Blink and gone are your existences of thought patterns.

Now to gently caress that little lope and

Pile Up

And alas, these thoughts have been piling up in this cranium of mine.
Seems they will either destroy my intentions or have forced themselves into this outlet.

Now on with the show:
first and foremost, would like to thank the many instances that have presented themselves with great accuracy and pin point deliberation.

No matter how hard I try, these misleading and totally understanding only within my membranes,  will break out and cling onto anything willing to give my shallow existence the time of day. Which of course only feeds my insatiable overthinking. 

I actually dislike to explain my explanations, seems only to dig a deeper hole in which many find their desires and fetishes. Sure I could just give them simple words and simple instructions. But that would seem to easy and almost deviant on my part.

Many more words to greet those wishing to find a concept or excuse to label the participate invalid.

Come, come and seek that missing piece. or better yet, sit on that side of the fence and throw projectiles of doubt and misery. for we all know, well not all, but most with the ability to see past their past.

Start, middle, end, give a clear path for to follow, make sense, or I shall enter the state of confusion.

Until next time...

When absence times out

Only stay afar, to see when You may depart

The longer the wait, the longer the freight

upon my guilt...

On a bridge You sit shapeshifted and wait

while I stare from a distance

My feet cemented, my mind Demented

of thoughts for you...

...

Side to side you gaze in search

of My pupils that surround a glow green

Slowly and hesitantly you leave

Looking back over shoulder one last time

My reason, for such an act

would be to save You the sorrow of my ways

Your innocence, is what saved you

on that leaf dropping evening

As deviant my heart

somehow, some reason declared

a pinch of pain, was worth it...

Addiction Complete...

This one may hurt

As I spurt

My last regret...

Only needed your mind

To feed my Dark Desires

As We Conspire...

My insatiable Lust

To Thrust your Depths

Addiction Complete...

Smile Breaker

with a smile that breaks me
seems every time we meet
we start over and over
we follow each other, chase
we ignite, we fire, we fizzle...

Midnight Light

standing there in the distance, not sure if you are smiling
shivering and shaking, wet from the night rain
waiting for my arrival, alas you notice my presence...

street lamp reveals your glow and mine
walking through shadows and silence
soon our destination seeks our location...

to be continued...

Strong Scent

I smelt a smell that forced my memory into overdrive, today
Never has a memory been so strong
All my tingles and relapses on my spot...

How the way I thought as a child, and now to look back on those thoughts
Become increasingly both redundant and surprisingly superseding
Of the state in which I have conceived and concluded

To sit and strike a conversation  with my former self
Would cause irrelevant circumstances, as both collide with opinions
And most importantly, both would prove the impossible

As I often thought about myself in the future, now I am here
And remind myself of when and where I was...

A note to another Future, and one to Look back on this occasion


to be continued, for reference of looking back again...

Always Was...

I always was and will be the reason why You could not understand my reasoning
Eventually Your capacity to remain, became the same
Possibility never could conceive within your thoughts
Which in turn, lead You to an endless path of destruction

Now for a new conception for Your hunger
Fills your void, which of course never will
Be as long as I hold the temptation dangling out of reach
Stick with me, it will soon be over and You can
go back to reality for which you constantly crave
Go ahead, touch that object and feel what it is like
To feel, now create...

Such weakness for Your Presence

shhh, you whisper in my ear, to calm my mood
for
You know my intentions and reactions more so than I could ever know
my Potential is exponential in your presence
Your embrace and touch chills my devious thoughts
rampant and racing my emotions spin out of control
but with a simple glance of your smile
makes it conclude and seclude...

This all comes most when needed, as a fresh awakening
Makes me feel its all worth the wait and struggle of doubt within

The power over my chances, are given without hesitation or contemplation
The circumstances will and will always be for my benefit
and most of all, like many times before, I without a doubt
give in and reveal my weakness
to your affections...

Growl and Post

Growl and Post
for which I have found
Not my situation, but can relate with little significance
A vision of your screaming and tears
Fills the hardest heart with pain and regret

Life moves you forward and leaves a hole
Life is created as a result...

Such beauty and talent combined, and combined would
With the thought of how those two would
have been...

Almost there

I shall trigger an Avalanche of words upon You
Only to watch You crumble relentlessly for more
We never did settle the score...

My hand out stretched, reaching for You
Only to watch You stumble carelessly for the door
We never will dream no more...

My last reason to treason Your wrath
Will be our longest Path
gone...

Combination of few

That room held a lot of memories
and a lot of trophies...

Skin upon Skin
We shall begin
Motion of Commotion
Entails...

All the same in the end
we ended up friends
some not more than others...

I am suppose to miss those thoughts
I am suppose to wish those again
I am suppose to forget, which would put an end
to the hunger of trying to figure out My inner...

Carry on as nothing was carried
Push forward into
Those words said, and unsaid
still remain...

Freedom Within

Melting mind of continuous complex
Randomly subjecting words and emotions
Finding ease and fast ways to complete a cycle...

Soon enough, many contributions will convey
Convey a pattern and system to these ramblings
One in the future may decipher and collect
A message and conclusion...

Or simply dismiss all alterations and a bounty

and yes it is true about what you think about
only need not explain your situations to those
in denial and ones that wallow in their own filth...

hard to boost this internal findings about and to others
when carefully choosing sentences for the masses
"he's gone mad" - nay - "little bit looney", I say...

which on occasion has been referred to as "Freedom Within"

Cruel Intent:

Inside of you I seek inspiration
Inside of you I meek desperation

Screams of vibrating solace
Taunt old Memories to surface

Your intentions creep Slowly
Up and through my Lowly
Haunted Heart...

Say farewells or Good riddance

Your mind was feeble when I met You
Now feeding upon emptiness without Me
Ego made me do it, good thing I wasted mine a long time ago

Comfort comes so easy when in the moment
Gigantic gaps in memory fade certainty
Now with that out of the way
I must move on, without resources
Why must I remain, when numb of self destruction

Give this three, and a last verse
A gentle bow, and simple curve of motion
Tip of the hat, signals retreat...